The Cost of Racism…

I cannot imagine that there is a person of color who has been shielded from direct or indirect racism in a society that struggles to recognize people’s value. There are some that “pass” that may escape the daily barrage. The effect is sadly still drastic and affects the mind, body, spirit…how we see ourselves, how we relate to ourselves, how we connect with others, how we relate to others in relationships and so much more.

Mental health is still a so-called “taboo topic” in our community that prides itself on steadfast resilience among a merciless and pervasive onslaught of injustice and inhumanity. The mindset of resilience, in itself, causes mental health issues. The constant need to be alert, ready to defend, withstand, fight against and/or speak up for someone or something is part of the trauma. You may have heard about our body’s fight or flight response to stressful triggers. If you have, then you may be aware that our body uses adrenaline and serotonin to activate and sustain that state. Too much of either is harmful to our system and causes negative effects. This means that our bodies were not designed to stand in the storm indefinitely.

Sadly, we cannot just turn off the external triggers since we have little to no control over that, but we can, however, positively affect our mindset in order to not cause more internal and external harm. Part of it has to do with how we relate to ourselves. Feeling less than, not good enough, not pretty enough, not accomplished enough and so on, are just a few of those cancerous feelings and thoughts that harm us deeply. We can say that some of it is certainly due to the external onslaught. We must also acknowledge, however, that we internalize those messages and pass them on to people around us – our partners, children, friends, family members and others. There is NO value in putting down fellow survivors. Instead, we only cause more multigenerational harm.

It starts with how you value yourself. The foundation of that is to question who is actually QUALIFIED to tell you about your value. Keep in mind that there is NO degree, no formal training on this planet that qualifies anyone to judge the value of another. Think about that for a minute. This means that not even your parents, your spouse, your best friend, your sibling or anyone is qualified. Trust, however, that people will have opinions. Yes, opinions, not fact. You may, like me, have been put down mercilessly as a child. You may have had people tell you that you have no worth. You may have been mistreated, abused, or worse…none of that is related to your value. ALL OF THAT WAS MEANT TO TEACH YOU ABOUT OTHERS, NOT ABOUT YOU!!!

My goal is to help you start a conversation with yourself. Being kind to yourself does not stop you from pushing to do better, to learn, to grow and to thrive. It simply means that you are not dragging yourself down while you are trying to rise. On paper, I hope this makes 100% sense and know that this takes practice and encouragement. Keep in mind, however, that continuing to be hard on yourself means that you are willing to make your life more difficult. Continuing to believe that your value is less than 100 means that you are willing to believe that others are qualified to value, NO, DEVALUE you. Continuing to be negative with yourself only means that you are not allowing yourself to be fully loved by yourself or another. This leads to you not being able to fully love anyone, no matter how much you falsely try to convince yourself that they are the most important person in your life.

Please stop doing harm to yourself and others just because the world may not have been kind to you. We can rise and need to allow ourselves to do so by not holding ourselves down anymore. Let us start that conversation together for the betterment of all those who are now and all those who are yet to come.

I have seen the impact of a COURSE CORRECTION for people and the results are nothing short of liberating, amazing and life-changing. The question is: do you want that for yourself?

Be brave. Be open. Be honest. Let’s start an honest and open conversation with each other to ensure that we all know that none of us are alone in our struggles. Let’s grow together.

As always, be kind to yourself and others. If you have any questions or comments, you are always welcome to send them to info@newhistory.ca.

Until next time,

Geoff Ayi-Bonte MA RCC
Personal & Professional Development Leader
www.newhistory.ca